We all have many ideas and possibilities for what we would
like to do but, for any number of reasons, we don’t act.
Instead, we stay stuck. We stay in a place that is not our
dream. We can’t see how it could possibly work. We lack
some quality or skill. We have other things that we have to
do. We’re overwhelmed. We don’t feel comfortable speaking
with people. The list is endless.
When I began working for my Counseling and Psychology
Master’s degree several years ago, I knew one of the
requirements was to do an internship in Clinical
Counseling. I had no idea how I could ever accomplish this
requirement, so I pretty much ignored it for as long as I
could. Not only did I have no idea of how I could ever afford
such a massive allocation of time, I also had no belief that I
could even find a place locally to do an internship. I kept
busy with the other phases of the degree while waiting to
come to terms with this internship requirement.
Soon I could no longer avoid it.
The Game
I am committed to living my life doing the things that I really
want to do. And finding an internship was not one of
them. I needed something that would soften my resistance
and lend attraction to the task.
I adapted a confidence building marketing technique to fit
my needs. I call it The Game of 100 No’s.
I changed my strategy from looking for a Yes (I had
no belief that I’d get a Yes) to collecting the expected
No’s (I already believed I would get a No). This
restored my internal integrity because I was telling myself
the truth. This enabled me to take bigger risks and not hold
back. I did not have a big stake in the outcome. Because I
was going for a hundred No’s, I had nothing to lose
calling the places that I really wanted but seemed most
impossible.
The idea behind the 100 No’s game is to by-pass all
negative mind talk. Just go directly to action based on the
ideas and possibilities that we have. I was going to play the
100 No’s game with my internship by just calling
places and asking.
I had a list of possibilities and I started calling – confident
that I would get mostly No’s. And just maybe down
the road someone would say Yes. Statistically
speaking, in making a 100 contacts, I could expect a few
positive responses.
Playing the Game
The first call was a No. Armed with my “success” in
getting a No, I had no hesitation in calling the next
places. In fact, I looked forward to calling because I was free
to be totally myself and I did not have to worry about losing
anything. I had 99 more No’s to collect.
My second call was to a nearby Community Mental Health
Center. Generally, nothing is close to me and I normally
drive 45 miles to town (Charlottesville, VA) to do anything. I
was convinced that in addition to the 200 hours internship, I
would be spending 2 hours a day driving back and forth to
town. Doing an internship close to home would be a real
boon.
It took several tries to reach the supervisor at the Center (I
counted each of those calls as a No – I wanted see
how good I could get at the game). When I did reach the
supervisor she said that they already had an intern but
asked me to come in anyway. Armed with confidence that
this would easily be another No, I went and boldly
asked for everything I really wanted in an internship. Why not
go for everything – it was going to be a No anyhow. At
the end of the interview she wanted to know when I could
start.
I ended up with a perfect internship arrangement. I got lots
of experience with several different client groups in a holistic
counseling center that is 7 minutes from my house.
And I had learned a lot getting the internship.
The Moral of the Story
Sometimes in our fear and unknowingness we hold
ourselves back from our best. We go for less or we don’t go
at all because we can not see the way to getting the
Yes. If we take away the pressure of doing it right and
not making mistakes, we let the best of who we are come
out to play in a relaxed and expanded way.
When we come from a place of exploration and adventure
–of playing the game full out — our best takes the lead and
who knows what exciting places we can travel to? If you are
not making mistakes, you are not taking big enough risks in
your life to get you to where you want to go.
You can use The Game of 100 No’s in any
area of your life where you are stuck, lack clarity, or are so
heavily invested in the outcome that you hold back your best.
It is a good game to use when you wish you did believe that
you could get the results you want but truly just don’t — no
matter how hard you try.
Some clients have told me, ” I’m not sure I really want to be
asking the universe for No’s.”
Don’t kid yourself. If you are stuck you already believe
somewhere that you can not get what you want. Trying to
make yourself believe or pretend that you do believe that you
can get what you want only intensifies your incongruency
and lack of internal integrity.
Tell yourself the truth. Admit that you don’t think it is going to
happen. Then be willing to go along with that truth and act
anyhow. You’ll have internal integrity and can turn fear into
an adventure.
Mary Ann Copson is the creator of the Evenstar
Mood and Energy Management System for Women.
With Master’s Degrees in Human Development and in
Psychology and Counseling, Mary Ann is a Certified
Licensed Nutritionist, a Certified Holistic Health
Practitioner, a Brain Chemistry Profile Clinician, a
Professional Life Coach and Human Development
Consultant. For resources about reconnecting to your
natural rhythms through better management of your
physical, emotional, mental, psychological and spiritual
energy visit http://evenstaronline.com
